


we ran away in order to come home

by TaamiB



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Blood, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Psychological Trauma, Rare Pairings, Slow Burn, Weapons, emerson isn't a fan of clarke and he isn't trying to hide it, i know what you're thinking but give it a try, mentions of death characters, octavia being octavia, they're trying ok
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-19 08:29:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8198075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaamiB/pseuds/TaamiB
Summary: After Lincoln's death, Octavia can't deal with Arkadia and its people anymore.Haunted by what happened, her only wish it to get away, to find a place where life maybe doesn't hurt as much as it does here.
 
Bruised and left alone to die, Emerson flees out of Polis, the last of his kind, homeless and desperate.Despite hoping otherwise, he knows that there's just no place in this world for a man like him.





	1. a not very sweet escape

**Author's Note:**

> So, I started writing this quite a while ago, but never dared to actually publish it because I assumed that no one would want to read about this pairing.  
> I myself do not necessarily ship it, but the idea of them working together to create a better future, and exploring their characters and the accompanying possibilities further, kinda attracted me and so I thought 'why not?'
> 
> What you need to know before reading;
> 
> 1\. The story takes place after Lincoln's death, but with slightly changed time lapse, in order for everything to work out the way I imagined it to. But that's the great thing about fiction, right? It's only noticeable in the beginning, though.
> 
> 2\. I do know, and aknowledge, that there's a huge age gap between Octavia and Emerson. But considering that Lincoln didn't look a day younger than 30, and that we do not know the exact age of show!Octavia, I elected to not let it stop me from writing this. Their age gap will be a subject between them at one or more points in the story though, because not even they are that ignorant.
> 
> 3\. English isn't my native language, so please have mercy with me and my grammar skills. I'm trying.
> 
> 4\. Of course, I do not own any of the characters or the original story that inspired me to write this. I also do not make money with my writing.
> 
> I think this should be all for now. Have fun!:)

Carl Emerson wasn't one to regret his choices. 

He had always done what he was told to, what he had to doin order to make sure that his people were safe. It was his job, after all.  
Even after the irradiation of the mountain, he didn't stop doing everything he could to do the right thing for his people.   
He didn't regret helping the Ice Queen with her plan by blowing up his former home. He still thought it was the right thing, the appropriate thing to do.   
What he regretted, was getting caught, though. That he trusted in Azgeda to protect him from the other grounders and from Skycrew, even after the Ice Queen died, _that_ was a mistake. He should have known better.   
The transport to Polis wasn't comfortable, considering that he was twice as long as the box was. What he had to see when he finally arrived, wasn't better though. 

There she stood. The bitch that killed his children, his wife, everyone he ever knew and loved. She stood there, that arrogant look on her face, dressed in clean clothes, looking healthy.   
He couldn't stop himself from attacking her, even if he wanted to. She deserved to be in pain, she deserved to suffer.   
The more time he spend in the commanders tower, the more he noticed that these people were actually celebrating what the blonde bitch did.   
They admired her for killing his family, for practically burning innocent people, innocent children, alive. The grounders thought she was worth as much as their commander, if not even more so than her.   
'Lexa', that was her name, he remembered.   
He doubted that he will ever be able to forget either of their names.

When he fled out of Polis, his whole body covered in blood and bruises, he recognized again that trusting anyone who isn't his own, was always a mistake. And since all of his kind are dead, he remained the only one he could ever trust in again.  
He took a sharp looking dagger from the hands of an elderly merchant woman, not listening to her complaining about it and shouting after him, and left the town. 

He figured that running would be a better idea than just walking through the woods, so he ran for as long as he could, only taking breaks so that he could soon after start running again. He didn't sleep nor eat anything, until he was sure that he must almost be outside of the commanders woods, relieved that nobody seemed to follow him. 

When he met an old, weak looking grounder on his ways, he asked him in broken trigedasleng if he was still in the commanders lands.   
The man looked at him in surprise and mistrust at first, obviously he wasn't pleased that the dirty stranger that obviously wasn't one of his kind, dared to talk to him, before he shook his head 'no' and continued walking his path, leaving Emerson behind him, who finally allowed himself to sit down against a tree and breathe for a couple of minutes.

 

Arkadia wasn't a home anymore. 

It never truly was, but Lincoln almost made it feel like home. His presence made the room they shared fill with love, and comfort, and she never got enough of his laugh.   
Nearly every memory she had since they landed on earth, there was Lincoln. 

And now he was gone.  
It's been a few days since Lincoln died, and Octavia didn't cry. She just couldn't. It was as if the pain that was constantly itching inside of her didn't let her show any emotions anymore, whether it be sadness or relief or happiness. Not that there was a lot to be happy about, anyways.

She wasn't able to sleep in their room anymore. It felt wrong to lie in their bed alone, without him hugging her from behind, burying his face in her hair, even though it tickled his nose. She slept outside of the camp, alone, and sent everyone away that wanted to join her.

Octavia was aware that she behaved shitty towards her friends. She also knew that they understood. They understood, but at the same time, they didn't. 

Jasper innocently offered her to share his cabin with her, so she didn't have to be alone at night, but she refused. She didn't want anyone sleeping next to her other than Lincoln.   
Raven made her breakfast every day, but she barely managed to swallow down more than a few bites, even though she felt sorry for seemingly not appreciating Ravens effort.   
Clarke made a drawing of Lincoln for her, so she would always have something that reminded her of him, even when she eventually gets old. It was beautiful, but Octavia couldn't look at it. She thanked Clarke, before hiding the picture in her closet.   
Miller and Monty collected flowers and brought them to her. She had put them into a small bucket with water, but eventually, they died as well. 

Octavia felt like everything she touched eventually died.   
Her mother died, Atom died, Lincoln died. The flowers died.

It was her sixth night outside of the camp, when she decided that she just couldn't stay any longer in this place.   
She left when the sun started to rise, because she knew she would get further faster if she walked at daylight. Before she went away, she grabbed her sword and Lincolns jacket from her room, said goodbye to Helios because she knew she wouldn't be able to hide if she needed to with a horse by her side, and sneaked into the weapons chamber to steal a rifle.   
Normally, she would have never used a gun, but she couldn't know what will cross her way.

After leaving the camp, she took one last look around and spotted Bellamy and Miller, standing at the gate in their guard uniforms.   
She hadn't talked to Bellamy since she beat him. She regretted doing it, but she knew it was too late to take it back now.   
Bellamy tried to reach out to her a few times, but it hurt too much to talk to him, so she sent him away.   
She missed him. She knew she was too hard on him. But she wasn't ready to take that step yet.

Octavia left a note in front of Ravens door, where her friend would surely find it. She didn't write much, only a few words.

_„I'm sorry, but I can't stay here any longer. I hope you understand that I need to do this. Please don't go after me. O.K.S.“_

It hurt to see Bellamy standing there, not knowing if she would ever see him again. Octavia turned around again, and took step after step into the woods.


	2. lonely days ahead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, a pretty short chapter, in which they aren't meeting each other yet.
> 
> The guy who played Emerson on the show, Toby Levins, posted a [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0V9kBufkAks) of himself on youtube a few months ago, which kinda inspired me a lot when I wrote this :)
> 
> have fun!

Indra was where Octavia expected her to be, in the cave where they brought Bellamy into.   
She seemed surprised to see Octavia there, but she still pulled her into an unexpected hug, almost as if she knew that something was about to happen.

„I'm going to leave, and I need to do it alone.“, Octavia said eventually, as plain as possible, and Indra nodded, understanding.   
There were times when Octavia felt like Indra was the only one to ever truly understand her, even when she wasn't able to understand herself.

Indra handed her one of her many knifes, and hugged her second again, longer this time.

„Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim.“, Octavia heard Indra mumble when she stepped out of the cave, which made her heart feel even heavier than it already has and for a second, she debated internally if this really was the right choice.   
But then, she reminded herself of all the painful memories at camp, all somehow linked to the people she was the closest to, and shook the doubt away from her.  
She left Indra without a single look around, knewing that if she would've done it, she wouldn't have been able to leave anymore.

 

The first days in the woods were hard for Emerson. 

He almost forgot how difficult catching fish with his bare hands was, after all the time with Azgeda, where they gave him food and shelter in exchange for information.   
Now he had to look after himself on his own again, and it wasn't a great success. He survived by collecting berries and mushrooms and prayed silently before eating each that they weren't poisonous. So far, he had luck.

Deciding that he won't catch any fish, nor any other animal to eat with only his dagger or his hands, he searched all around the area he slept in for material to build a more competent weapon with. It took him hours, but eventually he found a bough, long and thick enough to be useful, some dirty, mostly damaged, thin rope and a sharp piece of metal, probably from an old car or something, he assumed.   
After a lot of thinking and experimenting how to do it best without damaging the rope even more, he eventually managed to put the pieces together. Finally, he had something he could use to go hunting, which was more competent than the dagger or his forced optimism.

With his new built weapon, a spear, as he'd have called it, he wandered back to the big lake, which he found not far from his sleeping place, and waited in silence for a fish to come his way.   
After a while, he noticed something moving in the water, though it didn't look like a fish. It was much longer and slimmer. He thought about going for it for a few seconds, before his hurting stomach took the decision from him, and he decided to give it a try. After all, he had nothing to lose really, right?

He took off his pants as quiet as possible, with slow motions to not scare the animal away.   
Emerson knew that he had to get into the water to even have the slightest chance to catch it, and he moved forward so slowly and silent, he surprised himself that he was even capable of doing so.

It took him almost five minutes to get close enough to the creature, which didn't move around much in all that time. He would question the reason for it, considering that it was a pretty surprising behavior, but Emerson was way too hungry to think about it.   
All that mattered at that moment, was, that he got this animal that looked like a water snake or something, so he would eventually had something proper to eat again.

He reached back with the spear in his right hand as carefully as possible, held his breath, and in one fast motion, he stabbed his weapon into the water in front of him, hoping that he managed to hit the right point and almost began crying out of joy, when he realized that he actually caught the animal, that turned out to actually be a water snake, just as he had assumed it would. 

From the grounders, he had learned which parts of a snake were edible, no matter if it was a poisonous one or not, so he cut it into pieces, threw the non-edible pieces into a hole he made a few meters away from his sleeping place, shovelled dirt over it once he was done, managed to make himself a small fire after trying for almost an hour, and grilled the flesh over the flames.

It was lonely where he was located.   
In all those days he had spend there now, he forgot to count them and had lost track of it by now, he has never seen any other person or any animal bigger than a squirrel crossing the area. He really felt like he was the last one, not only of the Mount Weather kind, but of the whole mankind. Sometimes, he did wish that someone would be there with him, but then he reminded himself that this wasn't a place for his wife or his children to live in. Sure, they always dreamed about living on the ground one day, but not like this.   
It was better for them to be dead than to live the life he endured now, he kept reminding himself. Emerson hardly believed himself, but it eased the pain of being alone, at least for a few short moments, and that had to be enough.


	3. Octavia likes to go bathing, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short mention of Lexa's death, like really, only a sentence.
> 
> ...aaaand it's finally happening. Well, almost. Yay.

A sharp pain in his calf pulled Emerson out of the process of collecting big leaves for his makeshift bed.  
When he looked down, he recognized an arrow sticking in his leg, just before a huge grounder, dressed in an impressive amount of dark clothes and a lot of weapons, jumped out of a nearby bush, running into his direction.  
It took Emerson a second to cope with what was happening, and he just managed to make a leap to the side and roll away before the grounder was able to reach him. 

„Ai get in chon yu bilaik!“, the grounder growled before he took a fast step into Emersons direction, who was still laying on the ground, trying to escape from the knife in the other mans hand, which was now directed at him. 

Emerson tried to get up, but stumbled over the boughs on the ground. He was only a few meters away from the grounder now, which slowly took another step into his direction, a satisfied smile on his scarred face. 

„Yu laik maunkru. Ai don sin yu in en Polis.“, he said as he got closer to the man on the ground. He seemed to be as tall as a bear the way he stood there, all built up over Emerson, throwing a shadow over his body. 

„Ai.. ai nou laik hir na ..r-ron sich yo op.“, Emerson stammered, knowing that he was in the worst position possible. Unobtrusively, he tried to reach for the dagger in his belt, hoping for the grounder to not catch him doing so.

„I don't care, nomonjoka.“, the grounder responded with a malicious grin, before reaching back and shooting down with the knife. 

Emerson barely managed to crawl backwards enough so that his torso was out of reach, but the man was still able to stab the blade right into his left thigh.  
He cried out in pain and kicked the grounder under his knee, causing him to lose his balance. The time it took the grounder to get down, Emerson used to get up, the adrenaline running through his body allowing him to ignore the aching the huge slit in his leg would normally have caused.

Without looking back, he began to run as fast as he could, well aware that the other man was chasing him, and that he was faster than Emerson. It took the grounder only a few seconds until he was right after the Mountain Man, and after making a big step, he was able to take a grip on Emersons shoulder, threw him on the ground, and went down with him.  
Just as the, then kneeling, grounder was about to use his knife to slit Emersons throat, he got his own dagger out of his belt, and stabbed it right into the other mans chest without hesitation.

The grounder looked at him in shock before he began to cough and his grip on Emersons collar bone began to loosen up. Emerson threw him down from his body and crawled backwards a few meters again.  
He watched the grounder slowly bleeding out after he attempted to reach out for Emerson again without success, and eventually tried to regain control over his breathing.

It took him a few minutes, but then, all of a sudden, the pain struck him like lightning, spreading all through his body, and he wasn't able to hold back a growl while tears began to form in his eyes.  
He tried to think through the aching, and came to the conclusion that if he didn't find anything to stop the bleeding soon, he would be dead before the sun went down. 

He didn't have any first aid stuff with him, so he crawled back to the by then dead grounder and cut a big piece off from his clothing.  
Emerson tried to wrap the clothes around his leg as tight as possible, while feeling panic boiling in his blood. He managed to calm down a bit by reminding himself over and over again that he went through worse, that he would survive this, now that he had something to stop the bleeding with, and that if god had ever have mercy with him, he would be already dead.

After that, he took the arrow out of his other leg. The wound was tiny, compared to the slit in his thigh, and after tasting the arrow with the tip of his tongue, he recognized with as much relief as he allowed himself to feel, that there wasn't any poison on it. 

The sun began to set by the time he makeshiftingly patched up his wounds, and he knew that he couldn't spend the night where he was.  
Emerson began to limp and crawl his way back to his berth next to the lake. He noticed halfway that he began to feel colder than he should have since it was late spring, and that he also felt a bit dizzy. Knewing that these weren't good signs for his health status, he tried to hurry up. Passing out in the middle of the woods was a bad thing.  
He barely managed to reach the lake before he eventually collapsed.  
He tried to crawl the last few meters to his cave, but he didn't make it. 

The world around him turned black before he was even able to lay down completely. 

 

It was already dark when Octavia finally heard the soft sound of water meeting a shore. 

It didn't sound like flowing water, more like water moved by the light wind that was blowing. Normally, she would have searched for a place to sleep by then, but she ran out of water and sleep could wait.

Carefully not to stumble over roots and boughs, she slowly moved into the direction in which she guessed the water place was located. It took her some time to eventually find the right way to take, but then she noticed that the barely existing noise got a tiny bit louder.  
Distracted by her desire to finally reach the shore, Octavia forgot to pay much attention to what was happening underneath her boots anymore. 

She walked and searched, and suddenly, she didn't walk anymore.

But at least, she didn't have to search anymore, either.

Too focused on finding the water place, Octavia fell over something fleshy on the ground, and before she was able to help herself, she was already laying in the ice cold lake, completely soaked from head to toe, her hands and knees aching slightly from her not very eloquent fall. 

She sweared silently in Trigedasleng before she managed to get on her feet again and carefully made her way back to the land.  
Slowly, she got out of the water, still angry at herself for being so stupid, and tried to figure out what the hell caused her to fall into the water. Reaching out with one hand, she eventually was able to take a grip on the thing in front of her.  
She immidiately recognized the figure as human, still warm, and clothed where she touched it.

Taking a few looks around, Octavia made as sure as possible that she was indeed alone, and crawled over to the person laying on the ground.  
Sure, she could've just ignored them and continue with her original plans, but she knew that her conscience wouldn't forgive her for leaving a probably still living person to die. 

Even more annoyed about herself by then, Octavia searched for the throat or the wrists of the figure, to see if they were still breathing.  
It took her a few seconds, but eventually she managed to make out that there still was a pulse.  
It was too dark to actually see who the person was, and Octavia didn't care about that either way in that moment.  
Besides, she didn't expect to find a familiar human out there where she was, anyway.

Already freezing, Octavia pulled the person into recovery position, before she tried to feel if there are any wounds she would have to take care of.  
After a few seconds, she already found the blood soaked piece of clothing around what seemed like a mans leg, and figured that the wound there would had to be the reason for the unconsciousness of the person. 

Octavia pulled a few wet bandages out of her first aid kit, and then made a bigger slot into the trousers so she could reach the injured spot better.  
Then, she put one of the bandages into the water and used it to carefully clean the wound, to make sure that it didn't get infected. She ended her procedure with putting the other bandages around the leg as tight as possible.  
After the important work was done, Octavia finally decided to take a closer look at the mans face. 

What she recognized, wasn't all that pleasant, though.

Octavias first instict was to cut his throat, it didn't matter that she just tried to keep him alive. 

But reminding herself that she tried to enable herself a fresh start, she also had to teach herself to not always decide with the heart, but also with the head.  
She debated internally for a few minutes over the options she had, before she decided that even though she would rather kill him, the Mountain Man, _Emerson_ , if she recalled correctly, could be useful for her once he recovered from his injury.

He was strong and used to doing what other people told him; he could be helpful for her survival. 

Well aware that she couldn't possibly trust him yet, Octavia cut the last bandage into two pieces, tied up first his wrists and then his ankles, and checked again that he was still breathing. 

Octavia was sure that he wouldn't wake up soon, but she also couldn't search for a sleep place far away, just in case. She walked around the area for some time, her hair almost dry again, until she found the tiny cave which looked like the place Emerson used to sleep in. 

She felt more than just slightly uncomfortable about the thought of sleeping on the same makeshift bed that he used before, but she was freezing by then and also incredibely tired. 

Eventually, she shrugged off her discomfort and entered the cave, where she began to make a small fire, far enough away from his bed.  
Then, she took off her still soaked jacket and trousers, placed them near the flames, and stowed the rifle and Indras knife behind the bed.  
Her own knife landed on the bed itself, just in case she would have to defend herself suddenly. In just her underwear and her shirt, Octavia finally crawled onto the ripped blankets and leafs and other stuff that turned out to be more comfortable than it seemed at first glance, and covered herself with what appeared to be Emersons jacket.  
It smelled like him, and it almost made her feel sick, but the night was cold and she still was wet and absolutely didn't want to get ill. 

It took Octavia some time to fall asleep.   
She could here noises from the direction of the lake now and then, and after a few minutes, she assumed that it must have been the Mountain Man, slowly coming back to consciousness, but still asleep due to exhaustion of what happened to him and his body.  
In moments like this, she was really glad that Indra taught her so much about injuries, how to treat them, and their consquences. 

Octavia wondered how he got here in the first place. She didn't even know that he was still alive after the irradiation of Mount Weather, until Clarke returned from Polis and told them about his 'visit' there. She thought she would never have to meet him again. 

Eventually, sleep took her over. She would have never admit it openly, but as soon as she was able to almost completely ignore the smell of his clothes ( _strength of spirit_ , as Indra has called it, which made Octavia huff out a breath of amusement now), that night was the most comfortable one she had since she decided to not sleep in her room anymore. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Kudos and comments are more than just appreciated, same as constructive critic :)
> 
> find me on tumblr: riichardharmon (the100, Got, Shadowhunters etc.) or fyeah-buckybarnes (MCU)


End file.
